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[29 Jun 2008|09:47pm] Things I wish I knew: What I would be doing a year from today. If we will ever be together. If he even really loves me as much as he says he does. If the past four years of my life were really worth it. If I could disappear in a way that no one would miss me... post comment

People [24 Feb 2008|08:56pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | Better That We Break- Maroon 5 ] People and thier ability to be unaware of the consequences of thier actions in regards to others never ceases to amaze me. The amount of time, energy and effort that I put into making hard times for people bearable is never returned. As soon as thier life is back on the right track, they descide to vanish. People that like to dish it out but can not tolerate a dose of thier own words or treatment are starting to piss me off. Shut your mouth if you can't handle ones opinions and please dont descide that something that I have dones since the first day you met me is annoying. Welcome to the phase of my life, once again, where I start to become very catious of who is in my life and start to cut those out that cant handle thier own faults. wow, 4 people in one week... people... thats all i can say... Im going to go to bed now. night. post comment

Don't even know why I had hope... [15 Feb 2008|11:44pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Wonderful-- India Arie ] Something within me didn't want to be alone so I called/text the three people I consider the closest to me. .... Don't even know why I had hope someone would console me... post comment

[15 Feb 2008|06:22pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Losing my way--- Justin Timberlake ] Ever tried to scream and nothing came out? Ever tried to cry and no tears came out? Ever wanted to scream and you were physically not able to? Ever wanted to cry and you were physically not able to? That's how I am. I wish somebody was here. I just wanna be held. There's like this empty feeling that want go away. Its like I'm lost but this time its forever. And I'd rather just disapear than be lost forever. post comment

[14 Feb 2008|08:29pm] [ mood | worthless ] [ music | These Eyes- India Arie ] it seems like no one gets it. how the past doesnt erase itself. how yes life can get worse. its been worse. id rather give up than live life the way it used to be. No one here in miami knows the shit ive been through. i dont know if i trust any of them to know. nothing is cohesive. its like a puzzle that breaks of a piece for every three that you pick. the need for that integral existence is not there. It really hurts when u manage to let yourself develop a diffrent kind of love that no one will understand. post comment

[14 Feb 2008|08:24am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Miss you Aaliyah ] i just wanna be able to look someone in the face without feeling like a worthless piece of shit. when anyone looks at me i just feel pathetic and I wanna cry. I dont get it. it still doesnt make sense. and he doesnt understand. he knows he doesnt and he admits it. he just isnt capable of offering me any good advice. I wish he could. it would help. cuz i dont trust anyone these days... post comment

... [13 Feb 2008|07:00pm] [ music | She Will Be Loved--- Maroon 5 ] so frustrating. I cant even look an individual in the face that I know. i still dont get it. whats wrong with me? No matter how hard I try to better myself im still unwanted. It hurts. it hurst soo bad. I cant believe they died three years ago. I miss them so much. I got a second interview with Goldman Sachs. I should be happy about it. I guess I will with time... sigh... post comment

[12 Feb 2008|11:41pm] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | My Bed--- Amy Whinehouse ] Sooo much to do. Its like two ships passing in the night. Its a diffrent way from where Im going. this isnt a reunion. sorry if i turn my head. Yours is a familiar face but that dont make you safe in my bed. I don't know how I ever fucked things up with Eric. Im such an idiot. I guess you never really know how much you miss and need someone until you dont have them in your life anymore. And the sad part is, I was so stubborn when he wanted me back. Know im stuck with feelings that are not reciprocated. No matter how hard I try, even if i cut the communication with the indvidual off and limit my self its still there. so confused... so confused... It really is to hard for me to do this anymore. I honestly have no motivation. Nothing to aspire too. I just wanna be held and I wanna cry. post comment

[11 Feb 2008|06:21pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | You Know I'm No Good--- Amy Whinehouse ] So I came back to Miami yesterday... I still have no idea whats happening... Im so confused... I just want to be held and I wanna cry... I just wanna cry and cry and cry and forget everything around me... post comment

[10 Feb 2008|10:48am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Aaliyah-- I care 4 you ] So it seems that no matter how hard I try it never works out the way I want it to. nothing ever makes sense. Im beginning to think life never will. No matter how much effort I put into anything or anyone, no matter how much I prove that I love them, no matter how hard I try to be there for them, my efforts are taken in vain. The love is never reciprocated. It is as though I might as well just float away and disappear. No one will ever understand. I try so hard, all is in vain. I've been gone for 12 hours and nobody has noticed. Not a single call. That's how it is. I guess I should have known. If I don't come back I wonder if I'll even be missed. I love how this journal allows me to write freely as none of the present people in my life have a journal nor do they know what lj is... sigh... Its just too fucking hard. I can't do it anymore. post comment

Him... [20 Dec 2007|09:45am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Something About Us- Daft Punk ] It might not be the right time, I may not be the right one. But there's something about us I want to say, Cause there's something between us anyway. I might not be the right one, It might not be the right time. But there's something about us I've got to do, Some kind of secret I will share with you. I need you more than anything in my life. I want you more than anything in my life. I'll miss you more than anyone in my life. I love you more than anyone in my life. 1 comment|post comment

[18 Dec 2007|09:02pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | What goes around comes around- Justin Timberlake ] The closer and closer I let people get to me and the more I confide in them, The more it seems to hurt when they decide they are tired of me. It's a continuing pattern. I don't know why I even bother sometimes. All i want is an individual who is consistent. Someone who accepts me for me. It seems like that is too much to as for. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I think it's impossible for me to make true friends. No one understands and no one cares. post comment

This is how I felt this entire semester. [17 Dec 2007|04:39pm] It's hard to make everyone happy. It's impossible for others to make me a happy. People say I judge. I don't think I do. Sometimes I feel like its not worth it. Sometimes I know it's not worth it. He kills me slowly inside with his love. My love grows deeper for him and he will never understand. Those that I thought loved me used me. I'm afraid to let anyone in anymore. I want to just cut everyone out one by one. Then, when I disappear, I want be missed and it want be considered "selfishness". 1 comment|post comment

[15 Jul 2007|11:17am] damn. I have not been on lj and ages. so my life. sucks.... if you one of you guys thinks you can help me let me know... laterz. CJ post comment

I don't get it.... [22 Jan 2007|02:36pm] Everything was fine... Now Im stressed and I have no idea why.... Something bad is about to happen.... And I have no clue what it is... post comment

[19 Jan 2007|04:40am] [ music | Toxic--- Brittany Spears ] So I passed out in the gym Tuesday. That was a real hot mess... Im in love with this guy, but he is straight. Wanna know what sucks for me about it? He likes to flirt back.ass hole... So my Schedule this semester is as follows: Managerial Accounting Asian American Literature (ENG 366) Statistics Macroeconomics Business Law Not that bad they are all just an insane amount of work, But what is one to do? My last day of employment with GUESS? is January 26th... I am like so excited... New York to see the absolutely gorgous Anthony Minerva in 8 days... Well Im gonna go mail some shit and buy books... 2 comments|post comment

[28 Nov 2006|05:51am] I hate school... I have no idea what I am going to do with my life now. post comment

[31 Oct 2006|11:47am] Once again lost and confused... I am very unhappy with UM, as always... I so can not wait to get out of this city... post comment

oh the things we do... [24 Oct 2006|09:50am] [ music | The annoying voice of my accounting teacher ] Ever had a crush on someone and didnt know how to tell them??? But at the same time you know they aren't interested??? I do... This shit is real complicated.... Sucks for me... Im so pathetic... 1 comment|post comment

Im like so allergic to school.... [27 Sep 2006|05:29pm] [ mood | reflective ] [ music | You should be my girl... Sammie ] So I will be a Junior at the University of Miami at the end of this semester and I am only 19 years old. Pretty sweet huh? Im kind of annoyed because last week my boyfriends room mate spent the night on thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday.... I have class or work at 8am on some of these days. I kinda wish he would only come on the weekends. So Im gonna have a little talk with the roomy either tonight or tom. Ok. so the next big thing in my life. Should I stay at UM and graduate with a B.B.A majoring in marketing and minoring in business organization and music? Or should I transfer to FIT, NYC next semester and major in Fashion Merchandising and Managment? I vote for FIT. I think its what I want to do with my life. I just have to convince my aunt that it would be good for me to go. Such a headache. K Im tired. I have accounting hmwk and business cal hmwk. sucks for me. oh well. peace post comment

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